Jeeze 2008.

 2008 has, for several of my friends sucked an astonishing amount. And it's been surprisingly challenging of late for me. My oldest friend lost his dad 2 years ago (I think) to the same cancer that claimed my dad. This year he lost his mum too; something which has been stuck in my head since. In the quiet moments I think about it; it makes it harder to concentrate on the good in my life. He's not the only one of my friends who's lost someone they care about.

I've also had some hard stuff at work; including a post-cardiac-arrest where I felt more useless than a chocolate teapot. I've done my ILS - which in theory is meant to mean I can 'lead' a cardiac arrest - if no one else is there. But with the doctor in charge doing less than nothing myself and the other nurse there flailed - expecting leadership and finding none. Thankfully an anesthetist took over, lead the care and once we were up and running it went much better. Well, sort-of. The whole thing was just...well, it left me feeling that I need to know more. My problem is that between the house and work I'm pretty much exhausted. I don't feel like learning at home because I'm too tired.

I know that's a feeble excuse. But I mean it; it's a hard old slog. A few days ago I was officially the only nurse doing 'treatments' - that means that everyone who needed a treatment in the clinic or who needed sutures or dressings had to have them done by me. About half way through the day when the treatments box was full staff from other areas were freed up to help. In the end it wasn't that stressful because I just declared a 'fuck-it' and carried on at my own pace. I didn't even think about the 4 hour target except to order the order of treatments. No breaches, though, which would have made the morning way more stressful (mostly because we had lots of clinic patients and not too many sutures until people were able to help).

I am also still a little on the stressed side about money. I know that Rebecca's going to be 'ready' soon; and that's going to be, well, expensive. I need to send my letter to Charles Ware's Morris Minor Centre, but I don't see them sending me a refund of any sort. I see a fight involving the small claims court.

I'm quite fed up about it though.

In other news, I've finally finished the tiling in the bathroom. I'd been putting it off because I had a suspicion that it'd be a pig of a job and... it was, somewhat. The boxing is just slightly too big and I'd made it impossible to make all the joints line up because I'm some kind of mad person who likes to cause herself pain. And today, all things being equal there'll be some grouting and some kitchen stuff done.

And lo, the house moves on.

Damn shops

So, I need passport photos for the interview next week, in search of which I headed in to town. Well, technically I headed in to the bank and they said "oh, the nearest is the sainsburys". So I went to the Sainsburys who informed me their photo machine was gone; and the nearest was a Chemist which I couldn't be bothered to drive around looking for so I went into town (where, incidentally I now know of 4, maybe even 5 photo machines in a tiny tiny radius).

Anyhow, having got my photos I thought, hell, I'm in town, I should pick up the secateurs (sp.) and a green-wood-saw so I can trim the Bay tree. Oh, and a new cafetier. Apparently single cup cafetiers are somewhat less in fashion than when I bought it because having toured a large variety of shops I was unable to locate one. Thankfully woolworths' still had the same model I bought before - albeit a penny more expensive this time - and this one, oddly, doesn't say "PYREX" in the little hole where it should. Still.

Unfortunately, I didn't find it until I'd stumbled unwittingly into Wilkinson's. Wilkinsons, cheap as they are also have the advantage of being needlessly vague about where things are made (instead putting "Distributed by Wilkinsons, UK", or similar on their packaging). This allows me to assume that they're not items made by people living on slave-like wages in a dictatorship (unlike labels which proclaim certain countries I could name). Of course their *price* probably indicates otherwise, but my rare purchases from them ameliorate my feelings of guilt, at least slightly.

Anyhow, I wandered in in search of the Cafetier and the gardening implements and was lucky to escape with just a toilet brush, toothbrush holder, shower organisy doojit and a toilet roll holder. I was awfully close to getting the cheap-but-adequate bathroom cabinet but was stopped by a sudden fit of sanity. Oh, and the garden bench which is almost certainly atrocious quality but looks pretty nifty.

Anyhow, I'm off to do some garden tidying; and if the light holds I might do some very local abandonment.

I am, incidentally, feeling brighter. A bit of in-my-head poetry writing and some getting out in the sunshine truly did help.