Happyness is a warm gun...

[pyoor_excuse]

...or something that isn't what I feel at the moment.

I'm heartily sick of my life at the moment. I don't know why. I'm got a fantastic girlfriend, I love nursing, I've got a nice house, my bike's actually running and the car is nearly back on the road.

But at the end of every day, when I come home, when I curl up with my girlfriend at night, I think about money. I think about the red water bill. I think about the credit card bill. I think about the Regolith bill. I think about the huge, all encompassing debts that are running after me like some fucking slavering wolf.

I think about my dad, my dad and his pain, his pain that's so bad. I think about my mum struggling to deal with my dads illness.

I slept so badly last night. The night seemed to drag on forever, as I woke, every few hours to a sick stress feeling. I've got so much fucking work that needs doing. That I should be doing. But I can't physically do any more than I'm doing. Why can't this be easy? Why am I doing this to myself.

I had a crappy job that paid me 3.5 k more than I'll get when I qualify. I *had* that job. I could *easily* have got way more money. I do this because I want to do nursing. But it's hard. It's fucking hard right now to keep going.

Comments

[frozendoll.livejournal.com]

I absolutely know what you feel like. It's incredible how much stress comes from watching bills come in and pile up and up when you have not a clue how you're going to pay them. I am battling with this right now and just don't know what to do. I wish i had a solution, but at least nursing in the end (at least here in NY) pays incredibly well. I mean seriously well, 60k/yr +. *hugs*

[pyoor_excuse]

Sadly, over here, nursing is not well paid. Infact, in all ways the pay-effort pay-training pay-responsibility ratio is shittier than any other job I've considered, or indeed can think of.

I will earn 3.5k (uh, I guess around 5-6ish k usd) less than I was earning 3 years ago when I quit my last office job, and I'll have less final earning potential. This really is something I chose to do because I love the job. Just some days it's really hard to remember that.

[frozendoll.livejournal.com]

Well you know what the next plan of action will have to be then, right? Trey loves the US and you can come to love it with you making 100k for being an OR nurse and living without money worries ever again. It's horrid how they pay so little there!

[multiphonikks.livejournal.com]

The down side to this all is how the USA is not particularly helpful these days when it comes to gay couples repatriating/emigrating.

I KNOW, I tried :(

Kate, you know we're here. I can't know how you feel, but perhaps we can help you get through it. Y'mean a heck of a lot to us both.

[pyoor_excuse]

Also as you know, and frozendoll doesn't, I have a *big* thing about healthcare being free at the point of service, and based on health need, not how much you can pay...

Not that it *works* here, you understand. Our healthcare system has let every single person I know down hideously. But the idea's right...