Darn

It's 3:06am, and I'm regretting the nap I took yesterday afternoon, or perhaps the large latte (from Krispy Kreme, no less, I had a moment of weakness that lasted approximately from the minute Kathryn rang saying she was at Tesco's to the moment that I got to the Krispy Kreme doughnuts place), or perhaps it was the crappy microwave meals we've been eating and the fact my stomach's churning somewhat.

Perhaps the real reason is my body has no idea what time it is. In the last 5 weeks I've moved time forward 12 hours to work nights (1 week), back 4 hours to be in the States (3 weeks), forward 8 hours to be back here (6 days), 12 hours forward to work nights (8 days) and now back, well, I've tried to get it back to UK time. I caught a cold for the first time in months, my stomach's not happy (although that might well be microwave food, which has never agreed with me terribly well), and I feel cold and tired. Although it quite possibly is just cold.

Because I've not been sat in the Lounge, but instead perched under the covers on the bed during the day I've got that feeling I get when I'm ill, slightly icky, slimey, just ick. I feel like I need a shower. I doubt that'd help though. I should be sleeping and am hoping that this journal post will kill enough time that my tired body will over-rule my over-tired brain which is keeping me up.

I did have a little go at playing Russia Block (a tetris clone) on my mp4 player, but it has an annoying mis-code. The power-off button is used as a control button, and if you press it a second too long the darn thing switches off. Also, given it's cheapness I'm pretty sure that the buttons are going to be fairly poor quality, so playing tetris on it probably isn't a great idea. My main idea for killing time is to strip and sort the Clamshell laptop - it's got a dodgy power supply connector - I'm presuming that it's broken at the mainboard, the problem being that that means I have to get to the main board, and they're not exactly user friendly in design.

Although that was a cute idea - I've realised while I've been typing that the Torx drivers required are in the shed. The shed is at the end of the garden. So I don't think that's a terribly good idea. I think I'll watch some Grand Designs and see if I can re-find sleep in a bit. I was hoping that someone USian would be online, but I only know Sarah's IM (yay for LJ) but she's not online. So I'm lurking on IM and bored...and tired. I need to read ATNC tomorrow; go to Lidl and get a couple of Orchids and a USB Hub (because I've reached the stage on the Mac where there aren't enough ports, so the printer, keyboard and mouse can all share one...

Hrm. Rambly tired post. Yay for me. I think I'll stop now. At least the music's good.

*sigh*

I'd forgotten how unutterably frustrating and upsetting it is not to be able to sleep. I've led in bed for 45 minutes with the only thoughts in my mind being how tired I am and how physically tired I feel and my brain trying to will me to sleep. I get up now and feel the urge to sleep. But laying there it's completely elusive. I counted breaths, I counted anything I could, I curled around Kathryn, Kathryn curled around me. But sleep remains elusive. I still feel slimey from napping in my clothes yesterday (in bed) but it was cold, I was tired.

I will be exhausted today, because I feel exhausted now. I feel like crying. I do not take sleep deprevation well, and though I remember insomnia from university, days and days of sleeping for a few hours here and there, and spending hours creating on the computer, I do not remember the exhaustion, the frustration, and the desperate desire to sleep. My eyes are tired and close while I type, I've picked up the ATNC manual but I am not conviced I can read it. I miss the lounge where I could have curled up on the Sofa with the manual and the little standard lamp and waited for sleep to overcome me. Now I sit in the upright chair in the computer room, scrunching as much as I can, but sleep won't come here.

Bollocks. I should've known better than to nap the day after nights.

This is your brain on no sleep

So, 'scuse the post spam, but I thought I should clarify that whilst I'm exhausted I am up and surviving the day. I don't feel as attrociously awful as I might - although my stomach is still churning away. Maybe microwave lasagne and microwave mushroom stroganoff is not the way to live. I'm sure it is possible to live healthily with only a microwave, for my mum has some incredibly cunning microwave only recipes, but we don't...

I am sitting awaiting the arrival of the builders so I can head out to Lidl and get the Orchids and the USB hub. I've made the world's worst cup of tea, which is a shame, 'cos it's probably the only hot drink I'll get today. I've sadly noticed that the sockets I sunk in the kitchen aren't even. They're all within about an inch of each other, but it's quite frustrating to realise how far out one of them is. Well, one of the ones that was meant to be level. I may end up tetrising the kitchen, or I may end up just plain tiling it, but either way I'm going to have to try and hide the misleveling of the plugs. For all my laughing at the people who built the house's failure to use a level I've gone and bloody done it myself :)

Ah well.

In other news....uh....what was I going to write here?

I've done some more of the ATNC course...no, that wasn't it... I don't think I was planning to write about the DAF (ting ting ting), or the poems or that we wrote out the order of the ceremony... poot. I did have something to say. Well, expect more post spam if it comes back to me.

Ah, no, you're saved. So, yes, I e-mailed one of the 'we'll get you to Vancouver' companies, it seems that the schedule we'd laid out was about right; assuming they'll let me apply with only 1-and-a-bit year's experience. I'm praying that they will, because I really want to get out of Slough. And I'd rather do it in a civilised one-step-leap rather than a move-elsewhere-then-abroad-twin-step-leap which it would have to be, because I concur with Kathryn's desire to be out of Slough at the end of another year.

One of the things which struck me, is my brain's inability to understand the size of the world. The world can seem so very small, just yesterday we chatted to Sarah on the phone, and a couple of weeks ago we were sat in her lounge chatting away. Getting my brain to follow the reality that they're thousands of miles away is hard. That hours must elapse on planes between seeing them and seeing my family isn't something which comes easily to my head...

Anyway, now you're awake, whatcha doing with your day?

Spam spam spam spam Spam spam spam spam

Well, what do you expect. Overtired, 's me. I can't seem to get up to doing any work of any substance, but I did do the Manual Handling Online Doojit for my agency work; and similarly effective work wise was organising the delivery of items from our wedding list (they're coming!). My main problem, today, I feel is a complete absence of coffee. I had a lousy cup of Earl Gray that I made this morning... and that's it. How am I meant to survive on that?!

On the plus side I have the bits required to fix the two broken windows (and apart from one of them being on the upper floor of the house, reachable only by a ladder, then it should be all hunky dory. Of course, the fact it's cold and horrid at the moment, as a general rule, does mean that I'm less enthused about fixing them.

The hammering and general thunking that's going on doesn't help with studying either, to be brutally honest, and while I'm terrified to realise that thanks to the wonderful shift-rostering I've done in conjunction with my ward manager I'm working nights again the week after next... so I really need to get my lazy ass in gear and get understanding this course, the fact is I'm just too frigging tired today :(

What I may do, however, is eat another plum.