Falling Sand Game

[pyoor_excuse]

Falling Sand Game - hosted by Chirag Mehta @ chir.ag

I found this.

I've been doing it instead of working. It's kind of mesmerising. I just fiddle with it and then leave it running for a while, go back and...it's all changed.

Today is not a good day, perhaps because yesterday had a good finish. I dunno. But I feel like crap. I'm allowed to feel like crap, I understand that. But I don't *want* to feel like crap. And I do.

I'm sorry this journal's been so whiney of late. I know it has. I feel like it should be happier. But I can't. I just feel like I've lost myself. I'm looking forward to seeing the councellor next week - which will just be a 'I need to make an appointment for some more sessions' thing. I hope the woman I saw before's still there. But at the moment I'm back feeling like I shouldn't have bothered to get up. Which is why I need to go see someone and talk about this. Too much crap in one year. Too much. Perhaps other people have better coping mechanisms, but frankly I don't give a fuck. It's me we're talking about here; and I need some support.

It's frustrating. It's frustrating because I felt like I'd got so far when I saw her last time; and now I feel like I'm back in the place I was before. Okay, different reasons, and I think I'm justified in not really coping. I did learn a lot the last time round, and I'm a lot more accepting of myself, and of how I'm feeling, and I'm not so scared. But I still just feel like crying the whole time, and I just... I need to be together at the moment. I'm not going to make my work my life. It doesn't work that way. And I'm not going to do the whole completely reliant on friends and whatever thing, because that sucks.

So. This is me dealing with it: Councelling. Give me a few weeks, okay? Put up with me for that long, and I'll start doing better. Stressed but better. 's a promise. Ish.

Comments

[meeshy.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Eh whine all you want, that's what a journal's for anyhow! Mines been full of Uni bitching and whinging, so yeah *G* You're allowed to feel crap :)

[pyoor_excuse]

Thing is, I don't actually like myself when I whine. Although I've just eaten a hideous flavour Jelly Belly after a really nice one. So I might whine about that.

No, but, um, my (god that was hideous) point is that I don't feel good for (ugh, I have no idea what that was) whining the whole time, and I need to sort it out, 'cos I'm not actually working 'effectively' I'm just sat here going 'I feel like crap. Hrm, I think I'll watch Kids in the Hall' (It was light green and speckledy, I think I might have to look at the pack to find out what it is and avoid it in future) instead of going 'ah, my Interprofessional Working Assignemnt, I'll do that now' which is not very me anyway, but is what I need to be doing.

(Ugh, ugh, ugh. I think I'll have another and hope it takes away the flavour, although since these are Alaskan, it's presumably flavor). Uh, yeah. and it must get tedious to read, when I'm whining every post? I think it's tedious to write. Anyway... I may have freecycled a digital camera of some joy; so; yes, that'll cheer me up for a bit :-)

[c0re-dump.livejournal.com]

I think the most important thing for you to do right now is: remember what colour that jelly-bean was, and not eat another one like it.

[pyoor_excuse]

I did some experiments last night, it turns out it's a 'pear' flavour one. It's light green, speckled with dark green, and once I knew what it was; yes; it's clearly pear. I hate pears (unless cooked in red wine); so... yeah. Ugh!

[meeshy.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

*makes mental note to avoid green speckled jelly babies*

[pyoor_excuse]

I'm sure they're fine if you like....pears.