pyoor_excuse | I'm ready for my close up now, Mr DeMille

So, I just spent a tough evening being cheerful. My ex, and very good friend, is moving up North with her new Girlfriend. Perhaps, if I'd've not run screaming from one relationship to the next, and actually spent time to make some friends who weren't exes, then Bristol would not seem like the vaguely depressing place it actually seems to be. And so, no one is to blame for my sad, pathetic lack of friends but me. So losing someone I'm so dreadfully close to, from a stiuation which I admit I was not really taking advantage of (i.e. she only lives about 20 minutes away) to a situation where she lives an awfully long way away (around 200 miles) is really, really difficult.

It would help, I think, if I really believed that this was the best long-term move for her, but I think, for reasons I've said to her and to her girlfriend (who's also a freind of mine! Incestuous little group of friends I have eh?) that it's not the right time for it.... But I think, mostly, I'm just pissed off at losing a friend at the moment. Sod the attempt at making like it's 'cos I care about her.... Mostly it's probably selfishness and pissedoffedness at her escaping the place I seem to be stuck in with such apparent ease.

I have plans mind, plans for an escape. But I need to finish my course first which means another 3 years in this place, so I better make some damn friends, and quickly.

I'm going to miss her, though. An awful, awful lot.